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I woke up dead. No, honest I did. Jimi Hendrix woke me up. Yeah, that Jimi Hendrix. Spliff in one hand, guitar in the other. He offered me both in turn but it was too early for either so I turned them down and asked for a coffee. He stood up and shook his head - glitter fell from his dreadlocks. I never realised how tall he was. I must have nodded off again 'cause I was woken up again. Jimi was gone. Sandy Denny stood in his place. She had a mug of coffee in her hand. She knelt down at my side and handed the mug to me. I took it from her small white hands and she smiled. Still smiling she stood and ran to the doorway. A doorway that had just appeared. As it opened I heard a piano. She pointed out and the entrance started to turn so that I could see what she saw too. There, against a starry sky, stood a unicorn and as I saw it she started to laugh. She stroked the animal, circling it's horn (which was made of white and gold painted porcelain twisted to a point), and sang Crazy Man Michael as I drank my coffee. - Are you fuckin' up yet, yer lazy get? I recognised John's New York scouse accent. He spoke, knocked and pushed the door at the same time. Just as you'd imagine him to do. He was dressed in jeans and a Pearl Jam T-shirt. There were no signs of The Beatles uniform or the hippiness. This was a healthy, normal, Nineties grunge look. - Welcome to Rock 'n' Roll Heaven young man. Now get up so that I can show you 'round. As one of your heroes, I've been assigned the job. I don't like it but I s'pose somebody should do it. Stuart's too busy watching Backbeat and, well, I suppose I owe you something really - the royalties and stuff that people like you have earned for Yoko and the boys. Now, come on - get up, get up - this is better than life anyway. I'll introduce you to some of the others and then we can get stoned. We left the room shortly after Lennon had made his introduction. I got dressed from the wardrobe in the room. It was full of all my favourite T-shirts. They were all brand new too. There was even a Furniture Love Your Shoes one. I had been trying for years to get my hands on an identical one after seeing someone in the street wearing one. And there it was. It had to be worn. So we left the room. It was lovely out. The sun shone and, surprisingly for heaven, there were no clouds in the sky. There were a few questions that I needed to ask. - Where ... - We don't have wings. Only pricks think that we are angels because we are in heaven. - Heav ... - Well, not heaven exactly, this is Rock 'n' Roll Heaven. - Rock 'n' ... - You see, heaven is where the good guys go. Hell is where the arseholes go. - And this ... - This is where dead rock stars come. Everybody's here. I could hear some mean guitar playing. I mean it was really great. - Who's that? - We'll meet them later. Sounds like they are only warming up anyway. I want you to meet Stu. - I thought ... - Yeah, I know. He's been watching that fuckin' film since we got it up here. We crossed the road and walked into a cinema. It was like they always used to be. You know, when everything was maroon and they only had two screens. There was nobody to collect money so we just walked straight into the auditorium. It was empty except for someone sitting right at the front. You could see his head silhouetted against the screen. - Stu! - Fuck off Johnny. - Someone to meet you. - Later. - C'mon, it's no use. We went back out into the street and the sunshine. - I love the guy but he can be such an arsehole at times. All that wanking over himself will kill his eyes. - Lunch? I agreed. - You're in for a real treat ... you do like soul don't you? - Dover? - No, music, Dickhead. - Who are we talking then? - All of 'em. - All of 'em? - Jackie, Sam, Marvin ... do I need to go on? We went into a place called The Boardwalk. Later, walking down the road again ... - Hey stop! I looked around. - Hi, you must be Jamie. Yeah? Cool man. I'm Marc. Do you know me? You are beautiful. Must go, got a date with that new chick. John are you taking him tonight? - Of course Marc. - Tonight? - Every night we all get together. You timed it right - we're all hoping for a real treat. We've trying for ages to get this thing sorted out but it seems that they were secretly rehearsing and it's going to happen later. - Jazz? - A bit. - Like me. It reminds me too much of the Fifties in Liverpool. All the Beatniks at art school. They would love it here. We went into a small cellar bar. There were about half a dozen tables set out. chequered table cloths and candles in bottles. The place was really smoky and the smoke tasted of dope. There were some guys playing on the small stage. We sat down at the back and John ordered a couple of Jack's. - I don't know- - Coltrane. This is his place. He always does the first set of the day. The Bird'll be on later but I hate this crap today - drink up, we're out of here. As the sun started it's descent we walked into this open air arena place. There was a stage at one end - nothing flashy: more like a bandstand. In front of it were a few tables but nobody was sitting at them. At the opposite end was the bar. It was raised on a platform. The whole place reminded me of the Grand in Clapham. Just without walls and a ceiling. There was a group of people sitting on the grass. There was nothing to do (there was no music yet) so they were doing nothing. I recognised most of them but was still introduced to each of them in turn. - So, we meet again - are you ready for this now? Jimi offered me the spliff again. - C'mon. You know you want to, it's got your name on it. I took it from him and sure enough, in big gold letters, it said Jamie Graham. It was massive, about ten inches. I must have been staring in amazement because they all started to laugh at me. - You'll get used to them soon enough - They told me - They soon become like part of the furniture. Bob and Pete have got a great little business going there. - They're never short of work. I found my Zippo in my pocket and lit the bugger. It was bloody excellent. After a couple more tokes on it I passed it on. John was sitting next to me - Fuck off, you're not on Earth now, we've all got our own. And they all pulled them out of their pockets to prove it. Somebody said it was time for some music. - He was impressed by your playing earlier - John told them. - We was only practising then - said the Irishman - How about Whiskey In The Jar Jimi? And that's what they did. We were all hypnotised by those two wizards of the guitar. Even the ones who must have seen it all before. - Kinda makes you sick don't it? I looked around. - Hi, I'm Steve. I saw you in concert a few years ago. In Sheffield. I think you were just starting out then though. - We were probably crap as well. - You were OK. Listen, have you seen any of me band recently? - Def Lep? - Yeah. - I saw Joe in Dublin a while ago. - 'Course, he's still over there ain't he. That night I saw it all. It might have been the dope though I guess. Kurt was there, shooting up in the corner with Sid. He was a really nice guy. He came over to say hello. We had met before at an awards thing a few months before he shot himself. Joplin was jammin' with Kristen Pfaff. John said they all thought she was trying to get off with her. Mama Cass sang Lost Highway and I'm So lonesome I Could Cry with Hank. Frank Zappa got together with Cole Porter and Tim Buckley for this really avant-garde, off-the-wall thing. Shit, I could go on forever but nothing could beat the highlight of the night. It was the thing that everybody had been waiting for. It was just so beautiful, you wouldn't believe it. Imagine this - Sandy Denny and Ian Curtis doing a duet of Love Will Tear Us Apart. Christ it was gorgeous. Everyone was nearly in tears. The next day I was woken up with a coffee. Mel Appleby was sat on the edge of my bed. I smiled and thanked her but then everything went really weird. First of all it all went black and then all that I could see was the nothingness you get when you close your eyes. I could hear voices all around me. Somebody shouted out - He's back. I recognised the voice that said - Thank God. I opened my eyes to see her and she squeezed my hand. Tears fell down her cheeks and she leant over and whispered - I thought we had lost you. I was in a hell of a lot of pain in the ambulance back to the hospital. I woke up after the operation though feeling much better. Rachel was still at my side. Later she showed me all the newspapers. The headlines read: Rock Star Dead For Four Minutes. - I made the big time then? - Don't ever leave me again - she told me - You scared the shit out of me. So they are my memories of Rock 'n' Roll Heaven. One thing though ... I never saw Elvis. Nobody even mentioned him. < back to em one contents design & content © em writing & music all works © the respected artist(s) email the editor